Why Atheists Always Lose—Part 1

Introduction

Theists are easy targets. The shit they believe is crazy by any metric. And, individually at least, they’re all pretty much pussies. All you have to do is look at them funny and they start screaming bloody fucking murder that their “beliefs” aren’t being respected. They also run the entire fucking show, their headquarters have been built in every single goddamn town in the entire fucking nation, and belief in some god (preferably Jesus) is a requirement for entering politics, no exception. So how the fuck did these weasels manage to take over all of human society? What does it say about the Human Race in general that this kind of madness thrives so virulently?

Why Atheists Always Lose, a three part series from the crack research team at Wad’s Place, will try to answer some of those questions.

Part 2

You can, as long as you don’t also think about it, believe in theism.

Many folks need to believe in something, but if you believe in atheism, you’ve missed the point. Atheism is simply disbelief; believing in it makes no sense.

If a man stands on a city street corner with one hand tucked into his coat and loudly commands invisible troops in an imaginary Waterloo, disbelieving him does not define who you are. Recognizing that he is insane does not make you an Anapoleonist.

Still need to believe in something? Believe in yourself. You probably suck, but you’re all you’ve got. Deal with it.

Theism is fun and exciting.

Here’s the deal: I’m going to give you a glowing sense of self-worth, an extensive support network, and immortality (that’s the bonus). And all you have to do is believe in this story. It’s a great story, full of all kinds of fun and exciting things: violence, depravity, suffering, all the hits. Deal?

How could you turn that down? Oh, I get it. You’re one of those undecided types. That’s cool. But seriously, what’s your next tattoo going to be? Piece of jewelry? How will you decorate your home? What sort of tourist attractions will you visit on your next trip abroad? Libraries? Research labs?

Yeah, right.

Religious and mystical images and architecture kick ass. The symbols and glyphs of magical other-worlds, the suffering of our savior, the pregnant hope of unfulfillable—indeed, undefinable—promises, this stuff totally wins. We love it, we really do. The more ridiculous it is, the more we love it, and screw anyone who doesn’t “get it.”

Curses rule!

OMG! Even the ruthless and unstoppable destruction of language that is the Internet can’t lessen the value of invoking a deity as an exclamation! The reptilian appeal of the god concept satisfies on a gut level during moments of passion that no amount of logic or factual evidence will ever be able to touch.

Atheism is indefensible. Saying that no war will ever be fought in atheism’s name, though perfectly true, implies a false predicate: that atheism is an entity. It isn’t. Atheism will never assuage our fears of the unknown, never tell us that we’re special, never justify our over-zealous love/abject hatred of ourselves and one another. It’s a concept as difficult to understand as the zero must have been for the ancient Greeks. And the popular intellect will never, ever be able to grasp it; nor will they want to.

Atheism is nothing.

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